Throughout my life, I have been away from you. Gone like the wind from fleeting moments. Realizing how fleeting they are at the time, I run before depth can be in anyway established. I am distractable for protection's sake. Distraction takes form in my absolutism and the perception of my contradictions is distorted by both myself and others. For the most part, I am just an observer, Both of your life and of my own. My judgemental opinions are fervent but generally kept to myself... well... sometimes.. On superficial matters, regarding the arts my judgement is unending.
Despite this, I also know that the superficiality of our surfaces should never determine the depth of our souls. For they can only be seen in time. I inevitably pass judgements, (I am human after all) however, the line that separates my life from yours is not based on these. I am not attracted to your interests, humor and your accomplishments and dreams, though lets face it, these are in fact, what bring us together and indeed keep us apart. However, at the very bottom of it, it is about heart, it always has been and always will be.
Reading minds is impossible for me, reading hearts, however, is something I have always been fairly adept at. This was always the most important thing growing up. In my house, we judged character first and foremost. My mother is perhaps the best judge of character you will ever meet. She has this ability of being able to read people before they read themselves and can spit out exactly who someone is and in one sentence change a life. She has the kindest heart and with it, she actually does save the world. Currently she is on a Reservation giving free health care to people in poverty. Talk about heart. I only hope someday I can make a fraction of the impact she has made.
Aside from that little tangent (I really do look up to my Mom) my point is this, it is from her that I learned judgement. Who I keep closest to me is completely based on my judgement of heart. Interests, careers, hobbies, etc are what will bring people together, but they are only commodities and are only a small fraction of what keeps us alive. Human relationships are what keep us here. Without them, the world would physically end. People's hearts are what will keep us together in friendship, in relationships, and as a local and global community. Well hearts and of course the acceptance of each other's commodified surfaces. And sacrifice, but that is obvious... I hope. I am fully aware of my idealism. It is rare when someone with headphones blaring ICP will fall for someone with headphones blaring Taylor Swift. A strange example but I guess that's the ugly truth. However, my personal Vie en Rose keeps me introspective and thus content with the moments that come to stay and the moments that come to pass.
Chances are, if we are close, we are actually close, but if we are distant, you have no idea how indeed distant we are. I take pride in the fact that few people know me. It is impossible to maintain many friendships that are all based on absolute compassion and honesty. These are rare, but they are also the most important. Our surface of comodities make up the other 90% of friendships we hold and there is nothing wrong with that.
Superficiality of surface is a river that floods only too often, yet, sometimes it is the driving force behind our hearts and is indeed what keeps one foot walking in front of the other. The commodities we hold dearly, our personalities and interests, and activities, are what keep us alive. I tire easily of philosophical debate, but love it nevertheless. I also tire easily of the word "I" but it may indeed be the most frequently used world in the world. أنا, 窩, je.... especially when it comes out of my own mouth. It is the most frequently used word at least in our own worlds, a world which we all maintain prim and proper. hell I am doing it right now! It is a word more dangerous than you would think. It speaks for us when we both use it and when we don't. This word is Anti-Silence and suggests self circulation.
I apologize...this is mostly just a rant of a sort, one that a small glass of wine no doubt aided in producing, that along with the desire to procrastinate. This is me though, not nearly as raw as it could be but definitely as open as I'll get for you, dear reader ( if indeed there is a reader.)
This year has perhaps been the most interesting year to date. More has changed than ever before in my life and that is saying something. As a person that has gone through a lot but never been quite vocal about things that actually matter, I have realized that my past is who I am and directly shapes every decision I make. I have begun fighting this and feel myself growing away from misguided decisions that were once made on a regular basis. I am not anywhere near the person I was 12 months ago. Nostalgia reminds me of last year's autumn but the thought that I am a completely different person than I was then, gives me hope that I am walking away successfully from what was and moving towards what will be.
I am headed in a direction that will no doubt lead me wherever I end up, and even though that is quite obvious, it is clarity like you wouldn't belief. I will end up at the destination I am headed to. Simple right? not so much, at least not all the time. Life is only lived once, I plan on not wasting it. Fulfillment is what the introspective look for and it does indeed come in the least expected of ways. Temporary regrets aside, at the end when the band-aid is removed, I hope not to have any lasting regrets. We are headed towards where we are walking, therefore, if you are walking towards a cliff, you will eventually walk off. It's common sense.
I have too many dreams for my own good. Separating them from each other is incredibly difficult, dreams of law school, of Baghdad, of burquas, of paintings, of New York Fashion week, of floods to prevent, sunsets to see in deserts, mountains to climb, languages to learn, of pianos, songs to sing, stages to dance on, and asses to kick.
Despite this I mostly have dreams of finding the person that actually understands the complexities that spiderweb through life. These webs leave only luminescent lines visible in the most particular of afternoon suns. Some dreams are not realized, it's just the way it is, we move on and achieve others. If I could choose just one, it would be the fairytale. It's not an uncommon wish, but more often than it seems to be one that is torn away or is screwed up to begin with. Sorry It is.
How rare it is, that we find the person where silence has just as much meaning as words and words are said in purity of spirit and honesty. If you have it, I would advise you to hold on to it. Idealism or not I don't care. I consider myself lucky to retain idealism, therefore, my best guess is that my lack of realism and almost awkward abundance of hope is here to stay, at least for a while. With everything that I will do, and with the steps I take forward I know there will indeed be something waiting for me, I know I'm not walking towards a cliff and sometimes that has to be enough.
It is easier to fall in love without someone, than it is with someone. It should be a joint effort, if not? what is the point. If you are not going to put yourself in a position to be taken, don't take. Romantic relationships or not, Leave them be if you can't share in an equal partnership. In order to learn if you are capable, we are required to look at ourselves in a mirror that reveals more than just complexion. Too often, the mirror is buried and lost by our own deliberate action.
This past weekend has brought up a slew of feeling. Friday night was an interesting night, I saw a dream I once pursued disappear down the runway at Minneapolis fashion week and also realized that I was in the position to gain a really good friend. Someone, who has one of the best hearts I have ever encountered. Upon returning home, I realized that someone I care very much about was in the hospital and my worry just escalated both for them and for their significant other. This simply reinforced the idea, that at the base of it, the relationships we hold are what keep us alive.
Sue is a grandparent of a sort, she is someone I have always viewed as such. I look to her because she has a fire that doesn't die and that is what keeps her relationship both with life in general and with Al, A grandfather of a sort, strong and unwavering. It is not unusual to hear laughter wafting up through the vents along with accordion music, or the quiet humming of a grateful dead tune. They have a relationship that is strengthened every single day and hardship comes with honesty, fear, tears, and love. I guess that is what I want. They are not traditional, Not at all. If you want to know you have to meet them, But my love for them as individuals and as a couple grows as well as my respect and desire to someday have what they do.
I guess that is enough word vomit for now.
All my wishes,
-stitches
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
On a recent rainy Saturday afternoon, I picked up the communist manifesto off the floor near my bookcase in a state of contemplation. What else to do on a Saturday afternoon than this. Whilst contemplating mostly relationships, Friends and lovers, past, present and future, I felt myself ask if this 120 page political ramble could somehow solve all my problems. The conclusion I came to was a solid no, but nevertheless it made me think about politics and relationships, and of course the politics of relationships.
Appearing to be be a novella from a distance, the manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels is short but not necessarily sweet, as in the case with most relationships of mine. Flipping through the pages, I tried to remember where and when I had read it. It must of been high school. It was.... Alas I remember, It was not assigned, I remember I was trying to look smart by reading the communist manifesto in commons (Study Hall). My guess it that it mostly probably just made me look like a jack ass.
Jackass or not, after recently seeing Inception, I question this... If the most powerful Idea is indeed a virus, Was this manifesto simply a new idea that spread like a virus after it's birth or was it just part of a virus to begin with? Was communism, a tale as old as time, a reflection of innate human feeling, or was it a new idea?
Communism relates to nearly every relationship I have ever been in. To me, communism in an ideal world would consist of partnerships stretching around the world in geometric shapes that just grow and grow in a kaleidoscope of equal shapes. This unfalterable idea of equality and balance in theory it is not quite likely to take the world by storm. However, equality in a sense seems to be borderline innate. Not always on grand political and classical scale but in some senses it is and has always and will always be present.
The idea of a partnership has existed in most relationships from the beginning of time. Men hunted, women cooked, Hunters, Gathers, we each had roles. However, Social orders have inevitably distorted levels of equality and made us question what indeed equality actually means. Nevertheless, in a sense, it has still existed since the beginning. Isn't that what Marx is striving for to begin with... is it possible he was just trying show us ourselves in a manner of speaking? The capability we have to all stand on level ground. Spirals and circles are around us everywhere, why not frame our society and thus our relationships based on this equality. Marx did say this after all "we have nothing to lose but our chains."
Both in society and in relationships I guess we have to know that there are chains there to begin with.
Equality can not be a facade for long, therefore it makes the necessity of it's enforcement comprehensible. Did the ideas of the manifesto inspire people or would they simply have recognized their chains and flocked together based on their breadth of commonalities. Is it inevitable that something sometime would have been written or a declaration made if indeed a philosophy like communism and the idea of equality are embedded within humans or would we have simply flocked towards these philosophies when the social order hit rock bottom or in a personal case.. when a relationship hit rock bottom.
Colonialism, neo-colonialism, domination, submission, break down, build-up and so on and so forth. Let's face it it exists even if we don't admit it. Someone gets their way more than the other, and someone always allows it. I know this because I have been on both sides and know full well why relationships that don't follow a manifesto don't work. Sometimes it really does just come down to a relationship's execution rather than compatibility. Hell most of us probably know this. There seems to always be a dominant and they generally know who they are. In politics and in relationships we always play the familiar roles until something or someone hits bottom and it either ends or balance and equality are built into the frame with which the relationship is rebuilt. I guess like traditional social orders and relationships should stay as far away from this system as possible. This system is only another chain for us to break free from.
Just thinking on a Saturday,
wishes,
-Stitches
Appearing to be be a novella from a distance, the manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels is short but not necessarily sweet, as in the case with most relationships of mine. Flipping through the pages, I tried to remember where and when I had read it. It must of been high school. It was.... Alas I remember, It was not assigned, I remember I was trying to look smart by reading the communist manifesto in commons (Study Hall). My guess it that it mostly probably just made me look like a jack ass.
Jackass or not, after recently seeing Inception, I question this... If the most powerful Idea is indeed a virus, Was this manifesto simply a new idea that spread like a virus after it's birth or was it just part of a virus to begin with? Was communism, a tale as old as time, a reflection of innate human feeling, or was it a new idea?
Communism relates to nearly every relationship I have ever been in. To me, communism in an ideal world would consist of partnerships stretching around the world in geometric shapes that just grow and grow in a kaleidoscope of equal shapes. This unfalterable idea of equality and balance in theory it is not quite likely to take the world by storm. However, equality in a sense seems to be borderline innate. Not always on grand political and classical scale but in some senses it is and has always and will always be present.
The idea of a partnership has existed in most relationships from the beginning of time. Men hunted, women cooked, Hunters, Gathers, we each had roles. However, Social orders have inevitably distorted levels of equality and made us question what indeed equality actually means. Nevertheless, in a sense, it has still existed since the beginning. Isn't that what Marx is striving for to begin with... is it possible he was just trying show us ourselves in a manner of speaking? The capability we have to all stand on level ground. Spirals and circles are around us everywhere, why not frame our society and thus our relationships based on this equality. Marx did say this after all "we have nothing to lose but our chains."
Both in society and in relationships I guess we have to know that there are chains there to begin with.
Equality can not be a facade for long, therefore it makes the necessity of it's enforcement comprehensible. Did the ideas of the manifesto inspire people or would they simply have recognized their chains and flocked together based on their breadth of commonalities. Is it inevitable that something sometime would have been written or a declaration made if indeed a philosophy like communism and the idea of equality are embedded within humans or would we have simply flocked towards these philosophies when the social order hit rock bottom or in a personal case.. when a relationship hit rock bottom.
Colonialism, neo-colonialism, domination, submission, break down, build-up and so on and so forth. Let's face it it exists even if we don't admit it. Someone gets their way more than the other, and someone always allows it. I know this because I have been on both sides and know full well why relationships that don't follow a manifesto don't work. Sometimes it really does just come down to a relationship's execution rather than compatibility. Hell most of us probably know this. There seems to always be a dominant and they generally know who they are. In politics and in relationships we always play the familiar roles until something or someone hits bottom and it either ends or balance and equality are built into the frame with which the relationship is rebuilt. I guess like traditional social orders and relationships should stay as far away from this system as possible. This system is only another chain for us to break free from.
Just thinking on a Saturday,
wishes,
-Stitches
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Humanistic Entropy
Recent hype regarding the Burqa causes opinions to arise and people to vehemently defend it or condemn it. One can not know of this issue and remain indifferent, one must decide whether to be pro or con because the heart of the issue is based solely on humanistic motive and commonality of consciousness that we all share. The lack of indifference is comforting and the difficulty to reside with a sense of political numbness can almost be defined as charming. People have opinions.... hmmm how quaint? So what causes this charming uproar? It is incorrigible charm no doubt, yet this issue speaks directly to societal and individual values regarding freedom. It speaks to peoples opinions about religious and cultural boundaries and concepts. Islamic, Christian, Atheist, Jew, whatever you are, this is an issue about freedom first and foremost before it can ever be an issue about politics, religion, or national security. However, it's not wishy washy, it is not easy to formulate solid opinions or stand your ground without considering both sides.
The opinions we form on this issue identify the way we live our lives and speaks to the philosophies we each hold regarding freedom. At the heart of the issue, it divides without supports from either of the two sides. One must formulate an opinion on the legality of the ban based on personal ideals rather than the factuality and constructed arguments that each side presents.
I can not help but think of John Locke and also the statement by Jean Paul Sartre again pounds in my head, it is undeniable... again... "it is we who are the zombies." Lockean philosophy would would have refuted the pro side. Despite the fact that Locke supported a type of conformity, he also understood that coercing religious uniformity would lead to more social disorder than allowing diversity in the first place. Nevertheless, I have no doubt that preaching equality and freedom through a codified type of "sameness" could rally many, (it has already, after all.) However, Roger Williams (of the Rhode Island variety) would argue that something such as this can be categorized as "soul Rape" which he so boldly defined as being forced to affirm convictions you do not hold. I have to question if a woman who has worn a burqa the entirety of her life is forced to unveil would define the action as affirming a conviction she does not hold. Is it affirming anything, Or.. will it simply enhance social disorder as Locke would predict? At the moment Spain, along with a slew of other European countries are considering banning this religious statement.
I have contemplated this for the past few months, thinking and desperately trying to see both sides, however, the more I consider banning it, for reasons that do make sense i.e. the suppression of women and security, the more I see that it doesn't make sense.
I don't live and breath for feminism as some women do, but I do believe in equality and justice and have come to the conclusion that creating a law banning such an expression goes against the ethical fabric of mankind ( given that we all have some ethics in common.) This is also the case with requiring the Veil. It should be a personal decision and people should be educated to make decisions on their own instead of ingraining a "there's no other way" policy. This I believe increases happiness and a sense that one has the ability to control their own life and make their own decisions.
Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, this veiling does not represent oppression from a woman's partner. However, it is an ingrained oppression of women, that has been so long a tradition that when labeled as such, even women behind the veil will disagree. It can be defined as a type of structural violence that is buried and resurfaced again and again.
Reason #1 that people give for the ban is security. People are incapable of seeing someones face which immediately instigates fear. This is a fear of the unknown, it creeps and can not quite be defined as a phobia in certainty but rather is the basis for all fears. However, if we give into this fear, it seems we might as well be afraid to live in general, because as we move forward we are constantly crossing from the unknown to the known. Nevertheless this fear of the unknown, is the main reason I hate clowns after all. However, even with that said, the contemplation to ban the burqa is of much greater importance because banning it is not only a political move but is a symbolic move for a society. Banning the Burqa is a move that shows humans moving backward retreating back to dark age mentality and enhances the lack of appreciation for our differences. Differences are becoming less and less in the modern world, and as much as we emphasise diversity, it is disappearing with each MC Donald's Big Mac and Forever 21 pair of shoes.
Forcing people to unveil through law will create more sameness and has repercussions that will reverberate through what is now our future history. Perhaps this is a new Human Law of Entropy, at this point it's hard to tell where exactly we're heading but it is clear that we are heading there together integrated and flowing downhill at a record pace. At this point, I don't know what to believe is better, trying to uphold differences or coming together. It is possible that only time will tell but investigations are necessary and we must continue to question societal movement to determine where we are going and if it is indeed what we want.
yours in wanting to predict what lies in the unknown but allowing it to be so,
wishes,
-stitches
The opinions we form on this issue identify the way we live our lives and speaks to the philosophies we each hold regarding freedom. At the heart of the issue, it divides without supports from either of the two sides. One must formulate an opinion on the legality of the ban based on personal ideals rather than the factuality and constructed arguments that each side presents.
I can not help but think of John Locke and also the statement by Jean Paul Sartre again pounds in my head, it is undeniable... again... "it is we who are the zombies." Lockean philosophy would would have refuted the pro side. Despite the fact that Locke supported a type of conformity, he also understood that coercing religious uniformity would lead to more social disorder than allowing diversity in the first place. Nevertheless, I have no doubt that preaching equality and freedom through a codified type of "sameness" could rally many, (it has already, after all.) However, Roger Williams (of the Rhode Island variety) would argue that something such as this can be categorized as "soul Rape" which he so boldly defined as being forced to affirm convictions you do not hold. I have to question if a woman who has worn a burqa the entirety of her life is forced to unveil would define the action as affirming a conviction she does not hold. Is it affirming anything, Or.. will it simply enhance social disorder as Locke would predict? At the moment Spain, along with a slew of other European countries are considering banning this religious statement.
I have contemplated this for the past few months, thinking and desperately trying to see both sides, however, the more I consider banning it, for reasons that do make sense i.e. the suppression of women and security, the more I see that it doesn't make sense.
I don't live and breath for feminism as some women do, but I do believe in equality and justice and have come to the conclusion that creating a law banning such an expression goes against the ethical fabric of mankind ( given that we all have some ethics in common.) This is also the case with requiring the Veil. It should be a personal decision and people should be educated to make decisions on their own instead of ingraining a "there's no other way" policy. This I believe increases happiness and a sense that one has the ability to control their own life and make their own decisions.
Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, this veiling does not represent oppression from a woman's partner. However, it is an ingrained oppression of women, that has been so long a tradition that when labeled as such, even women behind the veil will disagree. It can be defined as a type of structural violence that is buried and resurfaced again and again.
Reason #1 that people give for the ban is security. People are incapable of seeing someones face which immediately instigates fear. This is a fear of the unknown, it creeps and can not quite be defined as a phobia in certainty but rather is the basis for all fears. However, if we give into this fear, it seems we might as well be afraid to live in general, because as we move forward we are constantly crossing from the unknown to the known. Nevertheless this fear of the unknown, is the main reason I hate clowns after all. However, even with that said, the contemplation to ban the burqa is of much greater importance because banning it is not only a political move but is a symbolic move for a society. Banning the Burqa is a move that shows humans moving backward retreating back to dark age mentality and enhances the lack of appreciation for our differences. Differences are becoming less and less in the modern world, and as much as we emphasise diversity, it is disappearing with each MC Donald's Big Mac and Forever 21 pair of shoes.
Forcing people to unveil through law will create more sameness and has repercussions that will reverberate through what is now our future history. Perhaps this is a new Human Law of Entropy, at this point it's hard to tell where exactly we're heading but it is clear that we are heading there together integrated and flowing downhill at a record pace. At this point, I don't know what to believe is better, trying to uphold differences or coming together. It is possible that only time will tell but investigations are necessary and we must continue to question societal movement to determine where we are going and if it is indeed what we want.
yours in wanting to predict what lies in the unknown but allowing it to be so,
wishes,
-stitches
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
people cometh, people goeth
There are always going to be people that come and go in our lives, that's life I guess, "Friends becoming strangers...." it is no new concept and the sting is indeed familiar to all of us. It happens and will continue to happen throughout our lives. I have no doubt that people I consider close now, will drift away later, and that people who have drifted away now always have the possibility of returning. This is something every human must come to terms with. We morph and change and so do others. drifting apart with some in order drift together with others. This is how the story goes.
Quiet contemplation is and has always been the best kind. From time to time additional opinions are needed when coming from honest souls with whom the connection is both electrifying and possesses an insistence on rawness. However, sitting alone with the thoughts that have passed by throughout the day in both the most stagnated and the most fleeting moments is an individualized and caramelized high. These moments, however fleeting, create new lows and new highs and this sensation of knowing, seeing, tasting, feeling... these exact moments, can not be known otherwise.
It can not be expressively felt in other ways other than with the self and the self alone. Coming into the know, is contingent on what you allow yourself to know. The abyss that is the whole and the one and only self, is shiveringly deep and gets black where surface light can no longer reach. We only hope this abyss is a tunnel rather than a hole. We will spend lifetimes upon lifetimes illuminated by the lamps lighting the way searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. If not careful here in darkness, drowning is probable, darkness is possible, but just as possible as light is. It is after all the most unbalanced balance known to man. The self in itself is foreboding, knowing thy self is a fear we tread upon ever so lightly. We must know ourselves, if we don't, chances are we probably should or at least give being your own person a shot. And then I think maybe we shouldn't. What's wrong with the surface anyhow? The human surface is deep somewhat, but is it enough?
Despite the doubt, If we knew ourselves, our common mistakes, our lies, and divisions, mishaps and falterings would become much more rare. The tumble of mistakes and the journey of the unknown, makes for highs so high fed by the lows so low. So I guess all what is common to ourselves, our flaws do make things interesting and complicated simultaneously. Without lies and divisions and tears we are nothing other than flat planes in the most mathematical of senses. However, Oedipus like tragic flaws are in existence, Flaws that are so ingrained we are blinded by our own reflections. I will strive to know each and every one to the best of my ability. We must become aware of these flaws, hold the mirror for ourselves and see what is really there. So often we look in mirrors but do we see what we want to, or do we see what we need to?
That is question I can't even answer for myself. I know only this, there are people in this world that stare through others in front of them to the mirror hanging on the wall behind their friends, family, acquaintances, etc. I wonder what they/we are looking at. We all do it. Let's recognize it accept it, let us not embrace it. It's human. Is it innate? maybe. However, if there's a mirror on the wall, we are going to look at ourselves, the only question is "what will we see?" I am a failure, I am self-centered, brash, successful, dedicated, insensitive, sensitive, alone, together, and the list goes on and on. What are you? We all have personalities that define us, and oddly we categorize people's personalities, but are we all really that different? we are all capable of expressing something whether it is good or bad, and show ourselves differently to different people unknowingly based on some comfort level. It is strange but happens every day. I have always thought that dating is just an arena to lie to each other and themselves. So... why not cut the bull shit? It seems that it will make drifting together and then drifting apart less likely. In the realm of new relationships, We show what's best about ourselves until we can't anymore and it will happen again and again. Then it will end or continue depending on good outweighing the bad. It is simply about a type of personal scale... tolerance for the faults of others and the acknowledgment of our own faults. Perhaps it would be a smart rule on a first date to say first off the 3 worst things about yourself, granted you know them and see what develops. A relationship in reverse... what a concept.
For instance someone could say this..
A) I'm jealous until I trust you.
B) I'm clingy until you bother me in which case, I will then become distant.
C) I eat McDonald's A LOT and I may be tiny now but chances are if we get married, I will not stop even if you want me to and I won't look like this forever. Or "i"ll just resent you for trying to control everything about my diet among other things."
Furthermore someone could say...
A) I'm controlling
B)I'm a workaholic and it will come first 50% of the time
C) I'm Bad in bed... but willing to work on it. :)
That's it.
yours in sharing confusion for what the hell I'm talking about,
wishes,
-stitches
Quiet contemplation is and has always been the best kind. From time to time additional opinions are needed when coming from honest souls with whom the connection is both electrifying and possesses an insistence on rawness. However, sitting alone with the thoughts that have passed by throughout the day in both the most stagnated and the most fleeting moments is an individualized and caramelized high. These moments, however fleeting, create new lows and new highs and this sensation of knowing, seeing, tasting, feeling... these exact moments, can not be known otherwise.
It can not be expressively felt in other ways other than with the self and the self alone. Coming into the know, is contingent on what you allow yourself to know. The abyss that is the whole and the one and only self, is shiveringly deep and gets black where surface light can no longer reach. We only hope this abyss is a tunnel rather than a hole. We will spend lifetimes upon lifetimes illuminated by the lamps lighting the way searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. If not careful here in darkness, drowning is probable, darkness is possible, but just as possible as light is. It is after all the most unbalanced balance known to man. The self in itself is foreboding, knowing thy self is a fear we tread upon ever so lightly. We must know ourselves, if we don't, chances are we probably should or at least give being your own person a shot. And then I think maybe we shouldn't. What's wrong with the surface anyhow? The human surface is deep somewhat, but is it enough?
Despite the doubt, If we knew ourselves, our common mistakes, our lies, and divisions, mishaps and falterings would become much more rare. The tumble of mistakes and the journey of the unknown, makes for highs so high fed by the lows so low. So I guess all what is common to ourselves, our flaws do make things interesting and complicated simultaneously. Without lies and divisions and tears we are nothing other than flat planes in the most mathematical of senses. However, Oedipus like tragic flaws are in existence, Flaws that are so ingrained we are blinded by our own reflections. I will strive to know each and every one to the best of my ability. We must become aware of these flaws, hold the mirror for ourselves and see what is really there. So often we look in mirrors but do we see what we want to, or do we see what we need to?
That is question I can't even answer for myself. I know only this, there are people in this world that stare through others in front of them to the mirror hanging on the wall behind their friends, family, acquaintances, etc. I wonder what they/we are looking at. We all do it. Let's recognize it accept it, let us not embrace it. It's human. Is it innate? maybe. However, if there's a mirror on the wall, we are going to look at ourselves, the only question is "what will we see?" I am a failure, I am self-centered, brash, successful, dedicated, insensitive, sensitive, alone, together, and the list goes on and on. What are you? We all have personalities that define us, and oddly we categorize people's personalities, but are we all really that different? we are all capable of expressing something whether it is good or bad, and show ourselves differently to different people unknowingly based on some comfort level. It is strange but happens every day. I have always thought that dating is just an arena to lie to each other and themselves. So... why not cut the bull shit? It seems that it will make drifting together and then drifting apart less likely. In the realm of new relationships, We show what's best about ourselves until we can't anymore and it will happen again and again. Then it will end or continue depending on good outweighing the bad. It is simply about a type of personal scale... tolerance for the faults of others and the acknowledgment of our own faults. Perhaps it would be a smart rule on a first date to say first off the 3 worst things about yourself, granted you know them and see what develops. A relationship in reverse... what a concept.
For instance someone could say this..
A) I'm jealous until I trust you.
B) I'm clingy until you bother me in which case, I will then become distant.
C) I eat McDonald's A LOT and I may be tiny now but chances are if we get married, I will not stop even if you want me to and I won't look like this forever. Or "i"ll just resent you for trying to control everything about my diet among other things."
Furthermore someone could say...
A) I'm controlling
B)I'm a workaholic and it will come first 50% of the time
C) I'm Bad in bed... but willing to work on it. :)
That's it.
yours in sharing confusion for what the hell I'm talking about,
wishes,
-stitches
Thursday, June 17, 2010
where the needle touched down, my golden time machine
So here I sit, on a bare mattress waiting for the sheets to dry. I weigh my options I could stay awake and wait for sheets or just go to sleep. the naked mattress just looks uninviting somehow. I believe i will wait.
I started writing that post the other night, but fell asleep on the naked mattress nearly mid sentence. I reread the jabber and I promise that what I had written wasn't worth anything. It is now deleted and blown away like most everything I write. Ironically, I happened to sleep quite well that night despite the mattress. I guess the aesthetics of my bed and the thread count don't matter as much as I thought. hmmm now that is good news I suppose.
Interestingly enough I had dreams return to me that had disappeared after childhood. I experience the plague of recurring dreams and that night the story began where it left off not so many years ago. That particular night I had dreams about clocks, time, keyholes, hallways, light bulbs, windows and mass grave sites. I did this often as a child, hence making these item's presence consistent in my dream world as adult. An ancient clock, a Mayan calendar, and an Egyptian necropolis reoccur. Perhaps it is the awkward fascination with Lara Croft, hidden treasure, and secret societies that cause ancient symbolism to creep into dreamland or perhaps it is simply my subconscious' topic of choice.
Whilst wandering through this city of the dead, time ticks down in a clock that was thought for centuries to be broken. It is golden with Arabic number so delicately informing me that time is passing and oh how quickly it passes. This clock and I are close, we rely on each other. I must cherish it for it to cherish me, somehow it has become a relationship like breath to lungs, I love my clock. It is a beautifully crafted time machine sparkling in the afternoon sun, a reminder that it will always be here with me. The omen that exists quietly. With my clock I take comfort and become content in the existing spaces between the entombed. I am wandering in a city devoted to the dead. Tombs go on for miles, and roads divide the resting necropolis, home of the dead. I feel strangely alive here amongst the passed, and my clock slows, the needle teasing me by pausing and then starting again. It ticks and I no longer have to gasp for air in the desert heat. On the horizon I see movement, a shadow only too easily mistaken for a mirage. Tomorrow night this dream will continue. Just me and my clock. I awoke, drew my clock in my bedtime sketchbook, rolled over and fell into a dreamless sleep there, lying on that naked mattress.
This sounds strange, crazy and embellished but I assure you this was one of the closest dreams to reality I have ever had. My clock and I, that is real. It is a relationship that is deeply embedded in my heart. These dreams enhance the happenings of my waking hours. These moments which have occurred nightly for the past week are experienced with eyes wide shut and are presented in vivid color. It is a story that I am sure deja-vu will claim as it does so often with my dreams. I know full well I will find a clock someday, I will see it and I will know, we have met before, it's tick will be familiar and will inevitably send shivers through my body taking me back to the desert heat, the mirage on the horizon only getting closer.
These night journeys undoubtedly give me inspiration for whatever I may or may not realize I am on the cusp of. I am well aware of the fact that they aren't ever that far off from being straight up fucked up and I suppose that is why I love them.We all are indeed experiencing that which we create and if we can not create it, our subconscious does it willingly for us.
The whirlwind in Dreamland makes me ponder reality and I am eternally grateful for the questions that these dreams evoke or the answers they reveal.
Life is a whirlwind so often uncontrollable and thus this is what makes it amazing. It's pulse beats quickly in certain moments and mindfulness and sensibility disappear. These are the moments we remember and want to relive again and again. To be sensible you must not be sensible and follow moments until their end. -- And they will end, they always do. Roller coasters are the best models for life, and an intent on living that way is realistic yet still considered innovative and daring. Make brash decisions, realize how stupid they are later or fully enjoy the fact that deviation from your plan has made your life better than you ever thought possible. Let it shake you. Hold your time machine close, always knowing we are only here for so long.
All my Wishes
-Stitches
I started writing that post the other night, but fell asleep on the naked mattress nearly mid sentence. I reread the jabber and I promise that what I had written wasn't worth anything. It is now deleted and blown away like most everything I write. Ironically, I happened to sleep quite well that night despite the mattress. I guess the aesthetics of my bed and the thread count don't matter as much as I thought. hmmm now that is good news I suppose.
Interestingly enough I had dreams return to me that had disappeared after childhood. I experience the plague of recurring dreams and that night the story began where it left off not so many years ago. That particular night I had dreams about clocks, time, keyholes, hallways, light bulbs, windows and mass grave sites. I did this often as a child, hence making these item's presence consistent in my dream world as adult. An ancient clock, a Mayan calendar, and an Egyptian necropolis reoccur. Perhaps it is the awkward fascination with Lara Croft, hidden treasure, and secret societies that cause ancient symbolism to creep into dreamland or perhaps it is simply my subconscious' topic of choice.
Whilst wandering through this city of the dead, time ticks down in a clock that was thought for centuries to be broken. It is golden with Arabic number so delicately informing me that time is passing and oh how quickly it passes. This clock and I are close, we rely on each other. I must cherish it for it to cherish me, somehow it has become a relationship like breath to lungs, I love my clock. It is a beautifully crafted time machine sparkling in the afternoon sun, a reminder that it will always be here with me. The omen that exists quietly. With my clock I take comfort and become content in the existing spaces between the entombed. I am wandering in a city devoted to the dead. Tombs go on for miles, and roads divide the resting necropolis, home of the dead. I feel strangely alive here amongst the passed, and my clock slows, the needle teasing me by pausing and then starting again. It ticks and I no longer have to gasp for air in the desert heat. On the horizon I see movement, a shadow only too easily mistaken for a mirage. Tomorrow night this dream will continue. Just me and my clock. I awoke, drew my clock in my bedtime sketchbook, rolled over and fell into a dreamless sleep there, lying on that naked mattress.
This sounds strange, crazy and embellished but I assure you this was one of the closest dreams to reality I have ever had. My clock and I, that is real. It is a relationship that is deeply embedded in my heart. These dreams enhance the happenings of my waking hours. These moments which have occurred nightly for the past week are experienced with eyes wide shut and are presented in vivid color. It is a story that I am sure deja-vu will claim as it does so often with my dreams. I know full well I will find a clock someday, I will see it and I will know, we have met before, it's tick will be familiar and will inevitably send shivers through my body taking me back to the desert heat, the mirage on the horizon only getting closer.
These night journeys undoubtedly give me inspiration for whatever I may or may not realize I am on the cusp of. I am well aware of the fact that they aren't ever that far off from being straight up fucked up and I suppose that is why I love them.We all are indeed experiencing that which we create and if we can not create it, our subconscious does it willingly for us.
The whirlwind in Dreamland makes me ponder reality and I am eternally grateful for the questions that these dreams evoke or the answers they reveal.
Life is a whirlwind so often uncontrollable and thus this is what makes it amazing. It's pulse beats quickly in certain moments and mindfulness and sensibility disappear. These are the moments we remember and want to relive again and again. To be sensible you must not be sensible and follow moments until their end. -- And they will end, they always do. Roller coasters are the best models for life, and an intent on living that way is realistic yet still considered innovative and daring. Make brash decisions, realize how stupid they are later or fully enjoy the fact that deviation from your plan has made your life better than you ever thought possible. Let it shake you. Hold your time machine close, always knowing we are only here for so long.
All my Wishes
-Stitches
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Local Locale
Apparently, my name is Carmen. While at a show I got approached and asked if I was Carmen, and got the once, twice, thrice over by a pretty blonde. In a class of mine, I look exactly like my classmate's best friend named Carmen. I meet some guy who told me I look like his ex-girlfriend's best friend Carmen. Well, I have never met her but I will tell you this, Carmen used to live in Minneapolis but moved to Brooklyn a little over a year ago for some job i think. She likes hats and scarves, motorcycle boots, has red hair, and apparently we have the same winter coat. Maybe I am her.
I moved to Minneapolis three years ago never expecting that my life here would teach me how small the world is instead of how large. When I came here, I was fascinated by big buildings, high heels, and lake street. There was nothing more interesting than exploring downtown, uptown, or a quiet corner of the warehouse district, which even today is my favorite place to wander aimlessly. Cities have always been special to me, and skylines have always had a sparkle that made me smile. Minneapolis didn't have me at hello, but the glittering lights of the city still gave me have butterflies when viewed from a distance and that was good enough for me.
Originally, I thought this was the world of anonymity and I settled comfortably into being unknown. after all, that was one of the reasons I came here. I wanted a new start and an adventure of sorts crafted only by me and my both stupid and wise decisions. However, in my time here I have realized how tiny this place actually is. The degrees of separation between people is scarily less than in my much smaller hometown.
The creative and driven in Minneapolis seem to flock together. A group of about 5,000 or so seem to all be tied in some way or another. These are the people you recognize in the Vitamn, The City Pages, and L'etoile magazine. It seems that here in Minneapolis, though I'm sure our city does not stand alone, the degrees of separation lie just under the surface. Individual creativity creates a mass conglomerate of people. This is the local locale. We find it in each other and have crafted a truly interesting personality for a city, one I am proud to be a part of.
I am not sure if you will remember this, and you definitely won't if you weren't reared in a christian or pseudo christian household, a hymn with lyrics "we are the church" reminds me of life here. Thankfully, I am not talking about church, but rather am referring to the "we are." We are the city, we are whatever we want to be.
There are the bikers, the hipsters, the musicians, the designers, artists, writers ect. They flock together and honestly it's really a beautiful thing. If you're not in a band in Minneapolis, chances are you know someone or several people that are. Local designers have fashion shows on a weekly basis and the venues for live music here are so abundant, that getting up on stage is almost like "old hat" despite the fact that it is quite a huge accomplishment for some. Its not that I don't love local shows and local music, because I really do love local, it's just that this place is saturated with it. Let's face it, people here are talented, but if Bob Dylan played on street corners in dinkytown today, I have to wonder if he would make it out of dinkytown. I'm no recording genius, but today not only can anyone make a record, but anyone can make a good record. With the right version of protools, I'm sure I could sound fucking fantastic and that is truly a scary fact.
Despite my negative tangent, my post was actually meant to be on the positive side. so oops. I'm leaving it in though, so deal with it. Sorry if you think Bob Dylan is fabulous, I guess I just think he's alright.
I actually wanted to talk about local in the very best way and about Local Karma. It is great that everyone has opportunities and I am actually quite happy anyone can make a record or sew a dress, it has the possibility to topple corporate structures, record labels, fashion labels, etc. and It is refreshing to be part of such a vibrant community. However, there are questions I am trying to answer about how to make it here. In order to be big here on the local level, or big anywhere for that matter, it seems you have to go big and network but not be pushy. it's all about balance.
I went to a band's final show the other night, and it had a great turnout, In addition to sounding excellent it made me think about local marketing and about outreach.
Going to shows here is one of the best things you can do. It is a sort of local Karma if you're local. You need to support local in order to survive local, and you need to survive local if you want to go beyond it. If you don't know anyone here or have no network within the powerful network of 6 degrees, the local locale, I promise you aren't going to have anyone come to a show or buy your line at the local Design Collective.
Here, or anywhere else for that matter, it's hard to be invisible if you participate. Midwestern at heart, we're polite but not minglers, so we have our ties and our 6 degrees of separation, love squares, and "how do I know you again" moments but it seems that this 6 degrees remains hidden unless you accidentally see it, or want to find it in the first place. With the advent of facebook, twitter, Blogger, etc people are easy to find and its true "every body's up to something." Chances are, someone or someones know who you are and what you're doing even though their on that last degree of separation. If you wanna make it here or make it out of here, reach out to that last degree, it will probably make you more en vogue than you already are or think you are. That's my plan at least. Timid success... that's all I want and hopfully karma will be on my side.
wishing the safety pin holds,
-stitches
I moved to Minneapolis three years ago never expecting that my life here would teach me how small the world is instead of how large. When I came here, I was fascinated by big buildings, high heels, and lake street. There was nothing more interesting than exploring downtown, uptown, or a quiet corner of the warehouse district, which even today is my favorite place to wander aimlessly. Cities have always been special to me, and skylines have always had a sparkle that made me smile. Minneapolis didn't have me at hello, but the glittering lights of the city still gave me have butterflies when viewed from a distance and that was good enough for me.
Originally, I thought this was the world of anonymity and I settled comfortably into being unknown. after all, that was one of the reasons I came here. I wanted a new start and an adventure of sorts crafted only by me and my both stupid and wise decisions. However, in my time here I have realized how tiny this place actually is. The degrees of separation between people is scarily less than in my much smaller hometown.
The creative and driven in Minneapolis seem to flock together. A group of about 5,000 or so seem to all be tied in some way or another. These are the people you recognize in the Vitamn, The City Pages, and L'etoile magazine. It seems that here in Minneapolis, though I'm sure our city does not stand alone, the degrees of separation lie just under the surface. Individual creativity creates a mass conglomerate of people. This is the local locale. We find it in each other and have crafted a truly interesting personality for a city, one I am proud to be a part of.
I am not sure if you will remember this, and you definitely won't if you weren't reared in a christian or pseudo christian household, a hymn with lyrics "we are the church" reminds me of life here. Thankfully, I am not talking about church, but rather am referring to the "we are." We are the city, we are whatever we want to be.
There are the bikers, the hipsters, the musicians, the designers, artists, writers ect. They flock together and honestly it's really a beautiful thing. If you're not in a band in Minneapolis, chances are you know someone or several people that are. Local designers have fashion shows on a weekly basis and the venues for live music here are so abundant, that getting up on stage is almost like "old hat" despite the fact that it is quite a huge accomplishment for some. Its not that I don't love local shows and local music, because I really do love local, it's just that this place is saturated with it. Let's face it, people here are talented, but if Bob Dylan played on street corners in dinkytown today, I have to wonder if he would make it out of dinkytown. I'm no recording genius, but today not only can anyone make a record, but anyone can make a good record. With the right version of protools, I'm sure I could sound fucking fantastic and that is truly a scary fact.
Despite my negative tangent, my post was actually meant to be on the positive side. so oops. I'm leaving it in though, so deal with it. Sorry if you think Bob Dylan is fabulous, I guess I just think he's alright.
I actually wanted to talk about local in the very best way and about Local Karma. It is great that everyone has opportunities and I am actually quite happy anyone can make a record or sew a dress, it has the possibility to topple corporate structures, record labels, fashion labels, etc. and It is refreshing to be part of such a vibrant community. However, there are questions I am trying to answer about how to make it here. In order to be big here on the local level, or big anywhere for that matter, it seems you have to go big and network but not be pushy. it's all about balance.
I went to a band's final show the other night, and it had a great turnout, In addition to sounding excellent it made me think about local marketing and about outreach.
Going to shows here is one of the best things you can do. It is a sort of local Karma if you're local. You need to support local in order to survive local, and you need to survive local if you want to go beyond it. If you don't know anyone here or have no network within the powerful network of 6 degrees, the local locale, I promise you aren't going to have anyone come to a show or buy your line at the local Design Collective.
Here, or anywhere else for that matter, it's hard to be invisible if you participate. Midwestern at heart, we're polite but not minglers, so we have our ties and our 6 degrees of separation, love squares, and "how do I know you again" moments but it seems that this 6 degrees remains hidden unless you accidentally see it, or want to find it in the first place. With the advent of facebook, twitter, Blogger, etc people are easy to find and its true "every body's up to something." Chances are, someone or someones know who you are and what you're doing even though their on that last degree of separation. If you wanna make it here or make it out of here, reach out to that last degree, it will probably make you more en vogue than you already are or think you are. That's my plan at least. Timid success... that's all I want and hopfully karma will be on my side.
wishing the safety pin holds,
-stitches
Friday, June 11, 2010
Unconditional Us
Early this morning I was awoken to thunderous waves of sound which prevented me from falling back to sleep. Generally, I would be greatly annoyed at the fact that I am wide awake at 2 AM, however today was different. I somehow became reflective, which happens fairly often, However, it is unusual that I became that way when I so desperately wished I was sleeping. I began to twirl thoughts around in my head about relationships, specifically friendship, and began to sort of count my blessings more or less. After two conversations with two best friends the past two days, one on the phone and one in person, I feel attention must be given to these relationships specifically and this type of relationship in general.
Lately, everything seems to be going well, I honestly can't believe it. I am nearly content and that is difficult to both understand and come to terms with. Normally, my daily habit of trudging along makes me most negative and yet, somehow, I become content with my own discontent. Things that seems to loom on the horizon but aren't quite graspable are discouraging at the very least, but some days can be completely debilitating. We all know those days. Those are the days spent watching something like "saved by the bell reruns" which I promise will make you feel even worse come the 10th straight hour of Zack, Slater, and Screech. I mean as great as Slater's biceps are, I'm telling you they get old Fast. This is where friendship is necessary, they save you from these moments or spend them with you which always makes everything better.
It seems I have to smile lately, I can't help it. I am so grateful for the people in my life and the system of support that exists within the bonds we share. True friendship is hard to find, but within the past few years I have realized what it is and how unbelievable the people are in my life. In addition to this I have realized how truly amazing the potential of existing friendships to develop into something so much stronger. Despite distance, we are there for each other, through the ups and downs and can laugh until we actually do pee our pants. yeah... Been there, Done that.. and it was worth it. (it was when I was much younger, I have to add that) A friend can morph into someone you consider family and becomes part of that idea "unconditional love." For a long time I thought Unconditional love seemed to be an old wives tale, but after much thought, it does seem to indeed be its own category of feeling. Unconditional love is necessary in life and to me, despite all things I want to see and do, this is what I value and want the very most. I would guess it is probably what most people want. Contentment and love seem to collide in life and their collision is something most beautiful.
It seems ridiculous to draw a comparison between the ladies in my life and the girls from the ever popular Sex and the City, but the idea of friendship or a relationship with deep roots is comforting when you have it. That is truly the best thing about that show after all, besides the fashion, (Pat Field is a fucking Genius) the idea of unconditional love between friends, lovers, parents, whoever it may be, well, I hope you experience it because it is intoxicating. It's the ability to still consider someone one of your best friends despite only talking on the phone once a week for two years but not seeing them. It's accepting someone for who they are and saying I love you and actually meaning it. That's unconditional and a bond that will last until the end, I'm sure it. Best friends, my girls, near and far. you know who you are and to everyone else that happens to read this too. my 1.5 readers. I love and appreciate you and just wanna thank you. I guess that's it.
Wishes
-Stitches
p.s. I can't believe how sappy I sound - yuck, :) but its how I feel on this day, in the sunshine after the storm.
Lately, everything seems to be going well, I honestly can't believe it. I am nearly content and that is difficult to both understand and come to terms with. Normally, my daily habit of trudging along makes me most negative and yet, somehow, I become content with my own discontent. Things that seems to loom on the horizon but aren't quite graspable are discouraging at the very least, but some days can be completely debilitating. We all know those days. Those are the days spent watching something like "saved by the bell reruns" which I promise will make you feel even worse come the 10th straight hour of Zack, Slater, and Screech. I mean as great as Slater's biceps are, I'm telling you they get old Fast. This is where friendship is necessary, they save you from these moments or spend them with you which always makes everything better.
It seems I have to smile lately, I can't help it. I am so grateful for the people in my life and the system of support that exists within the bonds we share. True friendship is hard to find, but within the past few years I have realized what it is and how unbelievable the people are in my life. In addition to this I have realized how truly amazing the potential of existing friendships to develop into something so much stronger. Despite distance, we are there for each other, through the ups and downs and can laugh until we actually do pee our pants. yeah... Been there, Done that.. and it was worth it. (it was when I was much younger, I have to add that) A friend can morph into someone you consider family and becomes part of that idea "unconditional love." For a long time I thought Unconditional love seemed to be an old wives tale, but after much thought, it does seem to indeed be its own category of feeling. Unconditional love is necessary in life and to me, despite all things I want to see and do, this is what I value and want the very most. I would guess it is probably what most people want. Contentment and love seem to collide in life and their collision is something most beautiful.
It seems ridiculous to draw a comparison between the ladies in my life and the girls from the ever popular Sex and the City, but the idea of friendship or a relationship with deep roots is comforting when you have it. That is truly the best thing about that show after all, besides the fashion, (Pat Field is a fucking Genius) the idea of unconditional love between friends, lovers, parents, whoever it may be, well, I hope you experience it because it is intoxicating. It's the ability to still consider someone one of your best friends despite only talking on the phone once a week for two years but not seeing them. It's accepting someone for who they are and saying I love you and actually meaning it. That's unconditional and a bond that will last until the end, I'm sure it. Best friends, my girls, near and far. you know who you are and to everyone else that happens to read this too. my 1.5 readers. I love and appreciate you and just wanna thank you. I guess that's it.
Wishes
-Stitches
p.s. I can't believe how sappy I sound - yuck, :) but its how I feel on this day, in the sunshine after the storm.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Canvasser who cried Wolf
We all know who they are, they come to our doors and stand on the street with caring looks on their faces and lock eyes, sweetly saying "do you care about the environment?" Hook line and sinker if the canvasser is good looking, total ignorance if not. I myself fell for the canvasser outside my downtown office just last summer and some how ended up giving him the money intended for the farmers market. Honestly, I think local strawberries would have made me happier in the long run. These canvassers tell us in a perfectly constructed manner their cause and why we should not only care about the environment, or whales, or school lunch, but why we should empty our pockets and pay up. Research has shown that canvassing is effective, It raises money, yes. I suppose that is one thing. However canvassers are trained specifically not to take no for an answer, and the good ones have you somehow writing over your checking account. So is the money canvassers raise really an indicator of success? Its all in the script, everything you say to me has a well constructed comeback, that is designed to knock you off your feet and then make you go get the twenty in your sock drawer. That's the goal at least.
After my short stint as a canvasser I ask myself this, are canvassers appreciated in society today? The answer from most people is probably going to be a solid "no." They are invasive at the very least and are downright solicitors when going door to door. They interrupt during family dinner, or during an important phone call, or right after the baby is down for a nap. However annoying as this is, credit needs to be placed. There's no denying (in most cases) that the cause isn't worthwhile. The causes are admirable and even the canvassers themselves are admirable, "it's tough to do a job that sucks that much." I have taken to saying that to canvassers on the street." Not a typical response, but appreciated nonetheless, more than the cold shoulder at least. I've also said "Been there, done that, good for you, I know how much that job sucks."It is at least somewhat comforting, and also said "no I won't give you any money but I know your pain, I've done that job."
Canvassing organizations like Environment Minnesota and the Sierra Club do care about the environment and the people that work there do too, they are an idealistic bunch. Quirky to say the least and care deeply about "change" and "saving the world." The millennial generation, I was born smack in the middle of it, and am well aware of our self-righteousness towards every type of cause. Come on, no one wants to see the Boundary Waters polluted. We need these types of people, they are taking some form of action and its comforting to see people care, or at least to see people that pretend to.
The life of canvasser doesn't revolve around living green and picketing outside wal-mart however. It instead, revolves around when they can take their next cigarette break and with each step up to each door a sort of "hate my life" mantra builds only to be calmed by the smoky inhale of a Natural American Spirit or Marlboro Red. It is indeed like candy for a canvasser. mmm Canvassers care and they want you to care too. However, chances are, canvassers are talking about what a jerk you are all the way home and how indeed your behavior pushed them further towards quitting than that jerk yesterday. Who cares about those student loans that need to paid back by this canvassing job, the only one I could get. Shows how much my Italian Major did for me. It's a fact that the majority of canvassers hate their jobs. Anyone who says they don't is lying to you, I promise. Canvassing organizations have the highest rate of turnover in any industry in the United States and it is completely understandable why.
Young college students lose their canvassing virginity and then suddenly become disinterested. The pay is solely based on amount of money raised, with a rather fictitious base pay, and unreachable goals place canvassers in the hole. "I signed up for a job that promised making up to 4,000 dollars this summer. Right....? "
I made 62 dollars and 43 cents for my time at Environment Minnesota and apparently owed the Fund for the public interest about 145 dollars. Good thing I didn't have to make that up. I quit after breaking down in tears on someone old man's doorstep, His wife came to the door asking her husband "what have you done? what did you say to her?" Its comical now but its unbelievable how rude people are. Hurtful even. He started grilling me on exact facts about sulfide mining. He was an engineer, wanting to see if I had my story straight. How do you compete with that? Due to the fact that turnover is so high for people that canvass, training is not the highest priority in organizations like Sierra Club, Environment Minnesota, ect. Therefore, chances are, if its not on my script, I don't know how to answer your questions or respond when you call me stupid, incompetent, and arrogant. I assure you I'm not stupid, arrogant sometimes of course, who isn't? I am merely trying to do my job, a job which I hate. I both hate the job and hate myself for doing it, but have to do it because I need an income.
I guess my my message is this, Suck it up. I will not stop coming to your door. If you want to rally because you hate canvassers that much, talk to the city, make your neighborhood an anti-canvassing neighborhood, push for legislation so that can be done in the first place, or contact the people at the top of the organization. I assure you being rude to a canvasser won't stop us from coming. It will only assure getting your roses trampled or get you talked about incessantly by caddy canvassers at your neighbors house, when they are actually nice. "Thank you so much for not being like your neighbor," while a canvasser is on the verge of tears. Turn us down maybe but I guarantee if you do have even 5 dollars give it to a lowly canvasser and take one less trip to Starbucks that week, then put up a no soliciting sign. Their job sucks, they deserve it.
Wishing to go fishing
Stitches
After my short stint as a canvasser I ask myself this, are canvassers appreciated in society today? The answer from most people is probably going to be a solid "no." They are invasive at the very least and are downright solicitors when going door to door. They interrupt during family dinner, or during an important phone call, or right after the baby is down for a nap. However annoying as this is, credit needs to be placed. There's no denying (in most cases) that the cause isn't worthwhile. The causes are admirable and even the canvassers themselves are admirable, "it's tough to do a job that sucks that much." I have taken to saying that to canvassers on the street." Not a typical response, but appreciated nonetheless, more than the cold shoulder at least. I've also said "Been there, done that, good for you, I know how much that job sucks."It is at least somewhat comforting, and also said "no I won't give you any money but I know your pain, I've done that job."
Canvassing organizations like Environment Minnesota and the Sierra Club do care about the environment and the people that work there do too, they are an idealistic bunch. Quirky to say the least and care deeply about "change" and "saving the world." The millennial generation, I was born smack in the middle of it, and am well aware of our self-righteousness towards every type of cause. Come on, no one wants to see the Boundary Waters polluted. We need these types of people, they are taking some form of action and its comforting to see people care, or at least to see people that pretend to.
The life of canvasser doesn't revolve around living green and picketing outside wal-mart however. It instead, revolves around when they can take their next cigarette break and with each step up to each door a sort of "hate my life" mantra builds only to be calmed by the smoky inhale of a Natural American Spirit or Marlboro Red. It is indeed like candy for a canvasser. mmm Canvassers care and they want you to care too. However, chances are, canvassers are talking about what a jerk you are all the way home and how indeed your behavior pushed them further towards quitting than that jerk yesterday. Who cares about those student loans that need to paid back by this canvassing job, the only one I could get. Shows how much my Italian Major did for me. It's a fact that the majority of canvassers hate their jobs. Anyone who says they don't is lying to you, I promise. Canvassing organizations have the highest rate of turnover in any industry in the United States and it is completely understandable why.
Young college students lose their canvassing virginity and then suddenly become disinterested. The pay is solely based on amount of money raised, with a rather fictitious base pay, and unreachable goals place canvassers in the hole. "I signed up for a job that promised making up to 4,000 dollars this summer. Right....? "
I made 62 dollars and 43 cents for my time at Environment Minnesota and apparently owed the Fund for the public interest about 145 dollars. Good thing I didn't have to make that up. I quit after breaking down in tears on someone old man's doorstep, His wife came to the door asking her husband "what have you done? what did you say to her?" Its comical now but its unbelievable how rude people are. Hurtful even. He started grilling me on exact facts about sulfide mining. He was an engineer, wanting to see if I had my story straight. How do you compete with that? Due to the fact that turnover is so high for people that canvass, training is not the highest priority in organizations like Sierra Club, Environment Minnesota, ect. Therefore, chances are, if its not on my script, I don't know how to answer your questions or respond when you call me stupid, incompetent, and arrogant. I assure you I'm not stupid, arrogant sometimes of course, who isn't? I am merely trying to do my job, a job which I hate. I both hate the job and hate myself for doing it, but have to do it because I need an income.
I guess my my message is this, Suck it up. I will not stop coming to your door. If you want to rally because you hate canvassers that much, talk to the city, make your neighborhood an anti-canvassing neighborhood, push for legislation so that can be done in the first place, or contact the people at the top of the organization. I assure you being rude to a canvasser won't stop us from coming. It will only assure getting your roses trampled or get you talked about incessantly by caddy canvassers at your neighbors house, when they are actually nice. "Thank you so much for not being like your neighbor," while a canvasser is on the verge of tears. Turn us down maybe but I guarantee if you do have even 5 dollars give it to a lowly canvasser and take one less trip to Starbucks that week, then put up a no soliciting sign. Their job sucks, they deserve it.
Wishing to go fishing
Stitches
Friday, June 4, 2010
Terrorism Schmerrorism
For countless months I have been toiling over the idea of terrorism, rolling it over in my mind again and again and yet still can't find any answers. When people think of terrorism, it seems that today by default, they think of "Islamic Extremists." Maybe I'm generalizing here but given the fact that the image the media feeds us is indeed slightly tainted, ( we all know it is) it seems fair to assume that many people concur with those particular ideals. Nevertheless whether you buy into the the media brainwash hogwash or not, 24 hour news stations feed us what we want and what we truly want is definition. There is cloudiness and vague sense of forthcoming in terrorism and it is something I, in my own ignorance and can not quite comprehend. It seems that around this particular breed of political activism, we must place a box. Afterall, It is within our boxes that we come up with answers, to life's cosmic questions about who we are. We plead for definition of subjects such as terrorism so we can separate ourselves from it and thus it aids in a type of societal self discovery.
Recent events regarding Israel indeed make me further question who can and should be defined as a terrorist. hopefully many minds are considering themselves, though through the examination of our still solid loyalty to ourselves, I doubt it. When I currently examine my own sense of self-righteousness, I begin to consider myself as a strong participant of the moral and ethical bottom in the world. I am college student, self-proclaimed lover of fashion, and most days don't consider the footprint I leave on the world. I am typical. Nothing special, Just okay. I question if my role in life as more of a follower makes me a terrorist? In my own definition, Terrorism, as related to fear is simply put the spread of fear through power structures, class discrepancies, and structural violence. I am a part of this, an active participant of the system, albeit a system I constantly question, still a participant nonetheless. My own actions have a type of butterfly effect, as do everyone elses. All results are consequences of actions the majority of the time, so what actions on my part, on our part, are causing extremism both stemming from the Middle East and even any act of violence at home?
I realize how pretentious this sounds, But I am only looking for answers. I know I don't have them. This sounds like a huge idea, however, it's not new. It's accessible if it wasn't I wouldn't be writing it. I have come to terms with the fact that my footprint on a social, environmental, and political level is far from small. In fact the way I live my life and it's imposition on the way other people live theirs in the Middle East or even here at home. However, does it indeed create a new type of terrorism? Could we call it Neo-terrorism and potentially all be placed on the same playing field? I question if the word is strong enough to that. If everyone became labeled as such would the word be enough to make us change, or at least would it be enough make us open our eyes?
In a way the labeling of all humans as terrorists provides justifaction for extreme actions on the part of everyone. Our violence, both physical and mental to a culture results in violent retaliation. Its comprehendable. Understandable even? maybe. There are definitely exceptions they are frequent and not at all suprising. Yet, if someone or a military, industrial, economical, social conglomerate threatened my culture's existance I wouldn't be suprised to see extreme organizations form. The FBI defines a terrorist incident as “a violent act or an act dangerous to human life, in violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any state, to intimidate or coerce a government, the civilian population, or any segment thereof, in furtherance of political or social goals.” This statement was written after the Oklahoma city bombing. However, when viewed paralleled to any act of violence on behalf of a nation or people throughout history, we all become terrorists. Molded into it through action and/or complacency. That's the best answer I can come up with. Its not nearly justified enough and is merely a rambling, but it's the best I've got and for now that's enough for me.
here's to wishing in wells
-Stitches
Recent events regarding Israel indeed make me further question who can and should be defined as a terrorist. hopefully many minds are considering themselves, though through the examination of our still solid loyalty to ourselves, I doubt it. When I currently examine my own sense of self-righteousness, I begin to consider myself as a strong participant of the moral and ethical bottom in the world. I am college student, self-proclaimed lover of fashion, and most days don't consider the footprint I leave on the world. I am typical. Nothing special, Just okay. I question if my role in life as more of a follower makes me a terrorist? In my own definition, Terrorism, as related to fear is simply put the spread of fear through power structures, class discrepancies, and structural violence. I am a part of this, an active participant of the system, albeit a system I constantly question, still a participant nonetheless. My own actions have a type of butterfly effect, as do everyone elses. All results are consequences of actions the majority of the time, so what actions on my part, on our part, are causing extremism both stemming from the Middle East and even any act of violence at home?
I realize how pretentious this sounds, But I am only looking for answers. I know I don't have them. This sounds like a huge idea, however, it's not new. It's accessible if it wasn't I wouldn't be writing it. I have come to terms with the fact that my footprint on a social, environmental, and political level is far from small. In fact the way I live my life and it's imposition on the way other people live theirs in the Middle East or even here at home. However, does it indeed create a new type of terrorism? Could we call it Neo-terrorism and potentially all be placed on the same playing field? I question if the word is strong enough to that. If everyone became labeled as such would the word be enough to make us change, or at least would it be enough make us open our eyes?
In a way the labeling of all humans as terrorists provides justifaction for extreme actions on the part of everyone. Our violence, both physical and mental to a culture results in violent retaliation. Its comprehendable. Understandable even? maybe. There are definitely exceptions they are frequent and not at all suprising. Yet, if someone or a military, industrial, economical, social conglomerate threatened my culture's existance I wouldn't be suprised to see extreme organizations form. The FBI defines a terrorist incident as “a violent act or an act dangerous to human life, in violation of the criminal laws of the United States or of any state, to intimidate or coerce a government, the civilian population, or any segment thereof, in furtherance of political or social goals.” This statement was written after the Oklahoma city bombing. However, when viewed paralleled to any act of violence on behalf of a nation or people throughout history, we all become terrorists. Molded into it through action and/or complacency. That's the best answer I can come up with. Its not nearly justified enough and is merely a rambling, but it's the best I've got and for now that's enough for me.
here's to wishing in wells
-Stitches
beginnings of nothing important
So, It has come to this. A blog. My journal has been kept online for the past two years, marked private, it would indeed be an awful thing if people saw it. How many times have I gone off in a post-teen angst rage. Too many times that's for damn sure. The Tyranny of myself upon myself is truly laughable. I am aware of it's fashionable power in my life, the awareness is good enough for now, I don't plan on changing anytime soon. I am excited for this new blog, new website, new audience, new life. That's the goal at least, hope to rule my life just a little bit more.
I will be the first to admit I am boring, my life is filled for the most part, yet still I am boring. perhaps we all are, the more you recognize it and try to change it, why that is what makes us interesting. Well, that fact is comforting, although it's probably not true. Damn, guess I'm stuck with myself and you. Whoever you are. I am opinionated and absolutely hate to be wrong, but feel free to disregard what I write often or always, I know I will.
It is here I will come to bring issues that are seemingly not nearly as personal, to even find where the hell security preferences are on this new blog site. This won't be marked private. Or perhaps, you dear reader (there will be one, I can only hope) and I will become so well acquainted that you will know my life and I yours. I'll try my best not to be pretentious, or judgmental unless its about politics, religion, or hollywood, in which case you can deal with it.
The thing I hate the most about blogging about my life and opinions is that, if people do indeed read it, I will be saying the word "I" a lot and can't quite grasp whether that is a good thing or quite politically correct. If my ego gets too big, do pop it. In a nice way of course, but please do. This blog is mostly for me, not for you, but I want people to question everything. If I write about hating carrots and you love them? why good for you. SUPER. I will write in it as frequently or infrequently as I want and about any topic that springs to life, wherever, whenever that is. I guess that is all I have to say for now. New entries will come soon.
I will leave you with stitches, it's only thread and can be broken at anytime. Invisible stitches are in our minds they don't bind us in any way rather than the power our own mind has over ourselves and others. Hopefully as my mind is stitched to yours, yours will be to mine.
best wishes that you do your dirty dishes
I will be the first to admit I am boring, my life is filled for the most part, yet still I am boring. perhaps we all are, the more you recognize it and try to change it, why that is what makes us interesting. Well, that fact is comforting, although it's probably not true. Damn, guess I'm stuck with myself and you. Whoever you are. I am opinionated and absolutely hate to be wrong, but feel free to disregard what I write often or always, I know I will.
It is here I will come to bring issues that are seemingly not nearly as personal, to even find where the hell security preferences are on this new blog site. This won't be marked private. Or perhaps, you dear reader (there will be one, I can only hope) and I will become so well acquainted that you will know my life and I yours. I'll try my best not to be pretentious, or judgmental unless its about politics, religion, or hollywood, in which case you can deal with it.
The thing I hate the most about blogging about my life and opinions is that, if people do indeed read it, I will be saying the word "I" a lot and can't quite grasp whether that is a good thing or quite politically correct. If my ego gets too big, do pop it. In a nice way of course, but please do. This blog is mostly for me, not for you, but I want people to question everything. If I write about hating carrots and you love them? why good for you. SUPER. I will write in it as frequently or infrequently as I want and about any topic that springs to life, wherever, whenever that is. I guess that is all I have to say for now. New entries will come soon.
I will leave you with stitches, it's only thread and can be broken at anytime. Invisible stitches are in our minds they don't bind us in any way rather than the power our own mind has over ourselves and others. Hopefully as my mind is stitched to yours, yours will be to mine.
best wishes that you do your dirty dishes
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