There are always going to be people that come and go in our lives, that's life I guess, "Friends becoming strangers...." it is no new concept and the sting is indeed familiar to all of us. It happens and will continue to happen throughout our lives. I have no doubt that people I consider close now, will drift away later, and that people who have drifted away now always have the possibility of returning. This is something every human must come to terms with. We morph and change and so do others. drifting apart with some in order drift together with others. This is how the story goes.
Quiet contemplation is and has always been the best kind. From time to time additional opinions are needed when coming from honest souls with whom the connection is both electrifying and possesses an insistence on rawness. However, sitting alone with the thoughts that have passed by throughout the day in both the most stagnated and the most fleeting moments is an individualized and caramelized high. These moments, however fleeting, create new lows and new highs and this sensation of knowing, seeing, tasting, feeling... these exact moments, can not be known otherwise.
It can not be expressively felt in other ways other than with the self and the self alone. Coming into the know, is contingent on what you allow yourself to know. The abyss that is the whole and the one and only self, is shiveringly deep and gets black where surface light can no longer reach. We only hope this abyss is a tunnel rather than a hole. We will spend lifetimes upon lifetimes illuminated by the lamps lighting the way searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. If not careful here in darkness, drowning is probable, darkness is possible, but just as possible as light is. It is after all the most unbalanced balance known to man. The self in itself is foreboding, knowing thy self is a fear we tread upon ever so lightly. We must know ourselves, if we don't, chances are we probably should or at least give being your own person a shot. And then I think maybe we shouldn't. What's wrong with the surface anyhow? The human surface is deep somewhat, but is it enough?
Despite the doubt, If we knew ourselves, our common mistakes, our lies, and divisions, mishaps and falterings would become much more rare. The tumble of mistakes and the journey of the unknown, makes for highs so high fed by the lows so low. So I guess all what is common to ourselves, our flaws do make things interesting and complicated simultaneously. Without lies and divisions and tears we are nothing other than flat planes in the most mathematical of senses. However, Oedipus like tragic flaws are in existence, Flaws that are so ingrained we are blinded by our own reflections. I will strive to know each and every one to the best of my ability. We must become aware of these flaws, hold the mirror for ourselves and see what is really there. So often we look in mirrors but do we see what we want to, or do we see what we need to?
That is question I can't even answer for myself. I know only this, there are people in this world that stare through others in front of them to the mirror hanging on the wall behind their friends, family, acquaintances, etc. I wonder what they/we are looking at. We all do it. Let's recognize it accept it, let us not embrace it. It's human. Is it innate? maybe. However, if there's a mirror on the wall, we are going to look at ourselves, the only question is "what will we see?" I am a failure, I am self-centered, brash, successful, dedicated, insensitive, sensitive, alone, together, and the list goes on and on. What are you? We all have personalities that define us, and oddly we categorize people's personalities, but are we all really that different? we are all capable of expressing something whether it is good or bad, and show ourselves differently to different people unknowingly based on some comfort level. It is strange but happens every day. I have always thought that dating is just an arena to lie to each other and themselves. So... why not cut the bull shit? It seems that it will make drifting together and then drifting apart less likely. In the realm of new relationships, We show what's best about ourselves until we can't anymore and it will happen again and again. Then it will end or continue depending on good outweighing the bad. It is simply about a type of personal scale... tolerance for the faults of others and the acknowledgment of our own faults. Perhaps it would be a smart rule on a first date to say first off the 3 worst things about yourself, granted you know them and see what develops. A relationship in reverse... what a concept.
For instance someone could say this..
A) I'm jealous until I trust you.
B) I'm clingy until you bother me in which case, I will then become distant.
C) I eat McDonald's A LOT and I may be tiny now but chances are if we get married, I will not stop even if you want me to and I won't look like this forever. Or "i"ll just resent you for trying to control everything about my diet among other things."
Furthermore someone could say...
A) I'm controlling
B)I'm a workaholic and it will come first 50% of the time
C) I'm Bad in bed... but willing to work on it. :)
That's it.
yours in sharing confusion for what the hell I'm talking about,
wishes,
-stitches
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