Are We Too Punchy For Our Own Good?

In light of recent events, I thought people might find the link to the Foreign Terrorist Organizations Website interesting. Looking at it is educational to say the very least. Through viewing this, where there are 47 listed organizations, it becomes clear that this war is not over, for the war on terrorism penetrates deeper than we know. This is a war on fear, it is not pretentious, nor is it exclusive, it is within our reach and we as individuals are affected by it. In some circles, terrorism can be seen as being a reaction to our lifestyle choices and our support of "exploitative" foreign policy that adds fuel to the extremist fire. Shakespeare once said, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Like roses and let's call them unidentified breed of flower #1, Terrorism and fear are indeed the same thing, and I guarantee you that this war is not over today. In the Global war on terror there are thousands of other names and organizations and each must be considered to fully comprehend the unique predicament we are in as a global community and the fear we all face.

As said by all news anchors last night, "this marks a new chapter" but I assure you it is not the end. War is not over. Let us use the death of this particular man to spark a new era of recognition of what is truly going on and the circularity that has molded the "global war on terror." It is only through this recognition that peace and reconciliation can be achieved. In the matter of addressing terrorism, violence is the easy way out. However, understanding and the reformulation of ideologies on both sides rather than the death of an ideology on one side is what will eventually bring sustaining peace. We have heard over and over again in every Hollywood script and rolled off politician's tongues that "we do not negotiate with terrorists," Tonight I question, is this a good thing? I am not saying we need to give them the ransom they ask for or automatically forgive people for mass atrocities in order to play nice, but rather I am asking that we look to ourselves as much as we look at them -- It is my firm believe that mirror will reveal what we most desperately need to see.

I believe acts of terrorism can be defensive or reactionary, not all but some of course. The relation between terrorism and the state is Political Realism at its very best -- (sorry if you don't study international relations you may want to google this.) The death of one man may give our nation hope, but we must not turn away from the issue of terrorism or god forbid think it is over. The issues concerning it are pertinent to us all and we must understand underlying motivations first in order to combat terrorism successfully. Furthermore, we must comprehend motivations in order to see why and if acts of terrorism were reactionary and how we can change our own methods as a preventative tactic for furthering peace and preventing acts of aggression or extremism in the future. Swaths of global anti-American sentiment has manifested world wide, part of understanding terrorism is being able to ask ourselves "why this sentiment has been created." It is a scary question to ask as it requires someone on our side or all of us in general possibly having to take responsibility for some role in the circularity of the cycle of modern "terrorism."

This unique war (The Global War on Terror) is a difference in ideology and thought that has spiraled into violence because we have delayed peaceful acts of reconciliation which in the end will do a better job of ending "terrorism" "fear" (whatever you want to call it) around the word than more violence ever will. We must simultaneously look inwardly and outwardly to see reactions and work to make changes in our policies and expect the same from our "enemies." War has been the answer for centuries, someone punches us and we punch back, it has always been the case, yet in this modern world this is not what we need. The back and forth punching has been going on long enough, let it end, let anthropological views take some precedence and let understanding thus be created. I am not saying this will be easy or even always achievable but it must be a process on our moral and political radar. I have no doubt that there are some evil people in the world, but I firmly believe that with understanding, we as a society can move beyond the days of violence and back and forth retaliation. Idealist I may be but nevertheless, my faith in people will never halt and the faith that we have the power to change lets me know that world peace is not a pipe dream. It is real and we can reach it, if only we all give it our collective effort.

All my Wishes,

Stitches

no facts, just heart. hoping that it will someday be enough

The tears started streaming down my face last Friday afternoon at my work-study job at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. Somehow the world had become too much to bear for the lowly student that I am. Today, I look out into the world and I see no future, no light at the end of the tunnel, no hope, and I am in no way talking about homework or petty college drama. Instead, I am talking about the world I live in or rather, the world WE live in. I live in fear, not for my own personal security or national security or homeland security but rather, I live in fear for the direction both this planet and humanity are heading. Our willingness to take a road without once looking at our destination or a map for that matter installs a great fear in me and indifference and ignorance become my greatest temptations. The potential to waste my life unsuccessfully fighting for human progress gives new meaning to the phrase "Ignorance is Bliss." Boy does it ever. I wish for hope and faith that I will never become so hopeless as to stop fighting for dignity, justice, and a world that not only sees when something is morally wrong, but acts on it.

My parents and grandparents mistakes Post WWII and my generation's perpetuation of the ingrained problems those mistakes gave birth to is sickening, and I truly hate that I am just as much a part of it as any. Ignorance, consumerism, environmental degradation, war, nuclear meltdowns, climate change, unemployment, human rights, genocide, poverty, drugs, thugs and the fierce debate over a looming government shutdown over Planned Parenthood above all else, is a huge stress in my life as typical college student. I am angered that senators and representatives act like children. I am angered that there are not morals in politics and that the long-range moral repercussions are rarely considered and I am angered at myself for my helplessness. Morality must drive human action. Consciously considering all options and repercussions is necessary towards maintaining America’s national security both domestically and internationally. The stalemate between the house and senate right now is stoicism at its very best, it is heartless, childish, and it is not what we need as nation or as a part of the global community.

I consider myself liberal, if that hasn’t become obvious already, but that shouldn’t matter, and the fact that it probably does to you dear readers, whoever you are, is just another example of childish behavior that we should have been rid long ago. This country is in trouble and we need to have fiscal responsibility now more than ever. Yet, part of responsibility means taking care of our people and ensuring that they are safe. We are not doing that. Providing social services is part of our national security too. It is standing up for injustice, and part of simply having a heart. We have fallen behind as a nation in having a heart, the world is polluted, dirty, violent, and there are just as many human rights violations in our own country of our own people that are happing overseas. These humans rights violations at home come in the form of pollution that gives children the highest rate of Asthma ever, as well as in the form of homeless veterans with chemical dependencies stemming from never treated PTSD, and finally comes in the form of pregnant women without access to healthcare. This is what we face, these are people that have hearts and their situations and situations like them demand that our governments have hearts as well. Deficit aside, we are guilty of so much as a nation and as people in general. Despite this negativity, I have faith in our abilities. We are innovative and I know in my heart that we can find ways to be moral in politics and reduce the debt at the same time.

My name is Anna, I am 21, and I am guilty. Admitting we did something wrong must be the first step. I contribute to our deteriorating planet and I am sorry. I will try my best to do better. I don’t always recycle, I buy fast fashion, and when my computer started getting a little slow I got a new one. I will try to have a heart both for people and for the planet. When will people realize that all the world problems are correlated? That one is a direct cause of the other? The path we are on both nationally and globally is like a game of dominoes and we are falling one after another after another. This must be stopped and admitting we aren’t acting in moral interests is the first step.

That same Friday that tears welled up in my eyes at the office, two girls outside of the office I work in were talking about going to the infamous "Mall of America" this weekend to purchase some new "spring clothes." I was listening intently to their conversation about what stores are the cheapest. "Charlotte Russe? No, Forever 21, they have 10 tank tops for 10 dollars. Really? What a good deal!" I found this troubling because there is no way those clothes are made fairly or that the companies themselves act in any moral way. However, even more troubling was the fact that I have a closet stuffed full of designer denim, and that is overflowing with brand name goods. I realized then how similar this situation was to what we need to do as a nation. It is time to clean out my closet and time for the country to clean out its closet as well. We must purge entitlement and stubbornness and finally embrace morality and heart so we can see the future more clearly and make smart fiscal, environmental, and social decisions. If we first see, we will then be able to care with our hearts and this will both save the planet and simultaneously save the people who live on it.

All my Wishes,

Stitches

Black + White = Grey

Dear ---,

Returning home always brings a slew of emotion up from the depths. Memories reside on every surface here. I am never quite as happy or nostalgic as I am here in my room. I sit here quietly with the stream of light that comes from a lonely streetlight falling gently on my feet. Sitting on my bed, I can look across the rooftops of the bungalows of the neighborhood below and see that small mountain that is and has always been just within my arms reach. This house is everything to me, this street, the kitten at my feet, and that mountain. They are home and they represent the most complicated of emotions, the brightest of smiles, and the biggest puddle of tears. These are the material constant in my life. This home contains my ugliest past but also contains more love than I have ever known, perhaps more than I ever will know. My mother is just down across hall, she is snoring after a day of striving for perfection, I am sure she is exhausted. My sister is possibly awake I can hear her stirring down the hall. This is home.

It is officially Christmas, it is now 12:14 PM and I just finished reading the night before Christmas to myself. This book was a gift that first Christmas after the storm. Little did I know at the time that the storm had only just begun. There is a letter folded in the first page and it brings me to tears now. The words are written in the most permanent of ink with love from my mother. “The sun will shine brightly again for all of us. We just need to hang on to each happy moment we have now and glue them together and then moments will become hours, then days…. Merry Christmas Anna. I love you. Love always, Momma.

Tonight I think about how far things have come. It is a distance you cannot measure with time or inches. It is only represented in the mere evaluation of what was and what is. Of course this is the case with most growth. We tend to eliminate the middle once we reach the end. Making life just a series of beginnings and endings instead of a middle grey area, where let’s face it, most of us are chronically stuck. I prefer grey but admittedly forget that daily. Once this week is over, this day, this job, this night, this relationship, this year. I wish it away hoping to move away from where I am. We have goals, but I wonder if running towards goals can be running away from the present, running away from that rarely appreciated time in between. If you stay there too long you become a failure, but if you don’t stay there long enough and enjoy it are you also a failure? Who knows?

Tonight in the bi-yearly church service I attend, I sat next to a man I have never known but have known my entire life. Going to Catholic school I became familiar with this gentleman who attended every service, every day, every week, every month always sitting near the back, always with a hunched back and a pained grimace that could shake you to your core. When I was girl I feared him, but tonight I shook his hand in an offering of peace just before communion, just after alleluia and somehow no longer felt afraid. Perhaps its because I’m grown or perhaps, he is different. His grimace is gone, he is still stoic but no longer frightening and that’s comforting. I know he has nothing, the stocking cap he wore tonight was the same he has worn every winter I have “known” him. His grimace is justified I’m sure. His loneliness emanates and holding his hand even though it was only for a mere moment I felt it, that Electric connection, electric loneliness and it became my own. In an instant, his loneliness temporarily vanished, and swept over me. There I was surrounded and lonelier than I have ever been. I wanted to cry and wanted to hug him. If just for second, we were connected and I knew more about him and his pain than I probably do about myself and then it vanished. Tonight I find myself wondering if he lives from beginning to end and forgets the middle or if he is simply caught in the middle. Maybe he looking for answers in his regiment of prayer or maybe he is just looking to accept the answers he already has.

This Christmas I feel lucky but lonely, maybe it is because I took some of his loneliness away in that electric moment but I really can’t flatter myself with that. I am lonely because I have become caught in a regiment myself. This is the regiment of not appreciating the moments that become hours, then days. Rather, I have allowed myself to become absorbed in success and forgotten what I need to survive in the first place. My friendships mean everything to me, much like this house does. Just as the light filters into this very bedroom from the street and gives me the security it always has, I need my friendships to keep moving and feel safe.

Last semester was far from easy, emotions, were purposefully stifled by work and then spewed at the most inopportune of moments. Next semester, I have planned will be worse, 19 credits of classes which I am actually excited for… Crazy I know. However, despite my excitement for Arabic, international relations and Advanced Painting, I am rushing to finish, rushing to rush, and running towards the end, when in truth I have absolutely no Idea what the finish line looks like. Death… that’s one answer. I have two years of a bachelor’s degree left because I spent two years chasing a childhood dream to become a famous fashion designer. Pff right… I am beginning to wonder if the race is worth it. It’s the beginning and the end but what’s in between? Marathoners forget what their doing and strive to finish, but life’s not a marathon or at least it shouldn’t be even if your goal is to eventually reach the finish line. We do have to take time and smell the roses, the most neglected of all things in this world. It is really hard to remember though, I’ll give you that.

I have ignored people out of necessity because I have become over involved and over achieved to the breaking point. Next year could bring great things, great on paper at least. I could spend part of the summer in DC in training, the next part in Cairo, and then the following year in Iraq. These are applications that I am waiting on. Security clearance that I’m hoping for, Funding that I am praying for, and loneliness that I anticipate. I could not get accepted and it would all go down the drain… or get approved and get thrown into a world with no beginnings and no ends, where the personal good moments to be glued together might be few and far between. Granted, hearing bombs go off blocks away no doubt would warrant personal growth but would it be worth it? It would be leaving behind my personal in between for a professional finish line in an area of the world so deeply caught in the in between that the there are wars going on to attempt to again make things black and white. Does this even make sense? What the fuck am I talking about? I have no idea. All I can do is wait here. Waiting for answers, waiting for permission to finish, permission to begin, and permission to wait. Permission from myself, permission from the state department, and permission from whoever stumbles into my life between now and then as I wait here in the chronic in between.

All my wishes,

Stitches